Monday, March 17, 2014

Horoscopes: 03.17.14


Aries: March 21 - April 20
Where there is smoke, there is usually fire. You've been letting off steam slowly, but sometimes the only way people will truly understand is if you let them touch the stove and get burned.

Taurus: April 21 - May 21
Isn't it amazing how quickly we can get caught up in the small day-to-day routines and forget to live and enjoy our lives? This is a one-way trip, darling, don't be afraid to leave some of the bags at home.

Gemini: May 22 - June 21
Beauty is not just skin-deep. Please go to a spa, and get those nasty overgrown eyebrows tweaked a bit. People stop and look at you on the streets because you look like a yeti.

Cancer: June 22 - July 22
Well... things can only get better.

Leo: July 23 - August 22
Why are you at home? Why are you just sitting in front of a computer, staring mindlessly out into virtual space? Boredom? Fear? Are you ugly? If you are, put a bag on your head and head outside anyway - the sun is shining!

Virgo: August 23 - September 22
I haven't said it to you enough. I've tried and tried to get the message across to you. You are just trash.

Libra: September 23 - October 23
You're life lately hasn't had any new evolutions or new devolutions for that matter either. At the least your stable; that's more than most people can say.

Scorpio: October 24 - November 22
Dear Scorpio, vicious little bitch of the Zodiac... sometimes the damage done after opening one's mouth cannot be undone. You would be surprised how many more friends you can maintain if you just practice some tact.

Sagittarius: November 23 - December 21
The path to your future is still there. You are not at a crossroads. You've just stopped walking. Heading back in the right direction is as easy as putting one foot in front of the other.

Capricorn: December 22 - January 20
Dancing naked in the living room to really loud music is great fun and good for the soul; bring a dance partner or two.

Aquarius: January 21 - February 19
You almost always have a clear idea of what's wrong or right. Most of your friends would describe you as level-headed and well-balanced. Change.

Pisces: February 20 - March 20
As always, little fishie, I try to aim as much love and good will in your direction as I can. You've got a good heart and a beautiful soul. Let others enjoy it too.