Horoscopes: 03.10.14

Aries: March 21 - April 20

Life, more often than not, is a constant test and struggle of what we can accomplish, of what we can overcome, and what of what we can royally fuck-up. It's your choice as to how you wish to be remembered.

Taurus: April 21 - May 21

There are a lot of things we don't like dealing with. The "Truth" is usually right on top of that list. Do you know why the term "bullshit" is used to refer to lies? Have you ever smelled a "bull's shit"?

Gemini: May 22 - June 21

It's an amazing gift to be able to see both sides of an argument - and I don't mean "yours" and "yours".

Cancer: June 22 - July 22

Occasionally, we let ourselves get overwhelmed by the insane amount of day-to-day activities that fill our life. We fill our plates with far more than we can consume, and then complain about not being able to get rid of it all. There is no evil in recognizing your limits and respecting them.

Leo: July 23 - August 22

You're expecting the new year to bring in tons of wondrous new things into your life... love, happiness, joy, wealth, etc. While you're at it, wish for a reality check, because you need that too.

Virgo: August 23 - September 22

Mr. Right is right around the corner. Unfortunately, you are on the midtown bus heading in the opposite direction.

Libra: September 23 - October 23

Why are you afraid to start enjoying your life now? Are you waiting for some golden opportunity of happiness? Some white knight on a valiant steed to rescue you from all that is mundane? There is happiness and joy in everyday of our lives, and choosing to be happy is a very empowering move.

Scorpio: October 24 - November 22

Sex is better than coffee. Sex is better than chocolate. Sex is better than liquor. Put down the cup of coffee, the glass of merlot, and that slice of cake. Now replace them.

Sagittarius: November 23 - December 21

There are no obstacles in your life that you do not give power to. The only thing that has ever stood in your way... is... you. Move aside and let yourself be the person you were meant to be. The world is waiting, and it's getting impatient.

Capricorn: December 22 - January 20

It always amazes me how quickly change can come about with even just the smallest grain of effort. Get up off of your ass. Shake the numbness from your legs and watch some of that change begin to happen.

Aquarius: January 21 - February 19

Let's try something new? Stop complaining. Stop regretting things that didn't happen. Stop walking around with that sad defeated look on your face. Stop hiding. Stop... and just breathe.

Pisces: February 20 - March 20

What do you feel like doing today? How about a walk in the park with someone else's dog? No? Alright. How about a walk through a nudist colony without the dog? Do something daring. You'd be surprised how liberating it will feel.