Horoscopes: 05.28.13

Aries: March 21 - April 20

You need purpose in life. You've divided your energy and scattered it to the four winds. Gather it back around, and focus it in one place. You'll be surprised what you are capable of when the whole of your soul is into it.

Taurus: April 21 - May 21

Single again? Maybe it's time to sit back and re-examine yourself. The problem may not be the other person. You might be expecting people to live up to an unfair ideal.

Gemini: May 22 - June 21

Feeling overwhelmed at work? at home? Take it easy. Everyone has issues. Learn to take the hard things with a little more ease. Your temper has been flaring a little too much lately, and it's unattractive.

Cancer: June 22 - July 22

The answers to your problems don't always announce their presence. Look for the little clues that will lead to the big solution. Maybe a nice walk in the rain, or a trip to the mall will hold an unexpected revelation. Go buy some shoes, take an Aquarius with you.

Leo: July 23 - August 22

An honest smile and a firm hand shake can make a good impression better. New faces will be popping into your life this week, take a good look. One of them is going to catch more than just your eye.

Virgo: August 23 - September 22

Wandering eyes have gotten you in trouble before. Didn't learn your lesson then? Desires and fantasies play an important part of our life, but even the Olympics take a four year break. Take a long cold shower, honey. If you still need some "pussy" go and adopt a cat.

Libra: September 23 - October 23

Hate your job? Is your boss an asshole? Stop bitching about it and do something. The hardest thing in life is to trust your gut feeling, but it gives you the greatest reward. Taking a risk is the cornerstone of success.

Scorpio: October 24 - November 22

Don't let the negative moods of others influence you. Count your blessings. You have a lot in your favor, or do you need a parade and some fanfare to make you see that?

Sagittarius: November 23 - December 21

My fellow Sagittarians... we are destiny's kings. Pick a target and shoot for it. We rarely miss. Follow your own heart, for it, better than anything or anyone else knows you and what makes you happy. Don't let your insecurities or "bad vibes" slow you down. Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as such.

Capricorn: December 22 - January 20

What ever happened to the Unknown Comic? You have the potential to be the life of the party this week. Go dancing, host a party... or even a dinner. Surround yourself with the people you love. Their energy and good will make all the difference in the world.

Aquarius: January 21 - February 19

Your ability to find the positive in almost any situation is a skill that, sadly, not enough people possess. Share it, and spread some of the happiness that seems to come so naturally to you.

Pisces: February 20 - March 20

Life isn't always a banquet. Sometimes it throws difficult obstacles and hard choices in your way. Just remember one thing... You have the power to face anything. You decide to wake up in the morning. You decide what to wear. You decide to go to work. Maybe it's time you decided to put yourself first.